Developing Emotional Intelligence - Part 1

Photo by drburtoni

When you’re busy or stressed or frustrated at the world, controlling your emotions is hard.  Maybe you keep yourself from yelling, but you still snap and say something harshly.  You could’ve handled it better and didn’t.  That’s when emotional intelligence is key.

It’s been six months since I read Emotional Intelligence 2.0, and I just took the emotional intelligence assessment again.  I'm happy to report that my scores increased.  And I continue to be a harsh critic of myself, so those scores are still nothing to brag about.

What I’ve been doing to improve:

  1. Give myself time to think.  I practically ran from meeting to meeting in the past, and I realized that even those I was in a meeting physically, mentally I was somewhere else.  It wasn’t working—for me or for others.  So now I plan my day around where I need to be the most while still allowing slack time between meetings.  This allows me to compile my thoughts before moving on with my day, as well as have follow-up conversations with others as needed.
  2. Recognize when my self-control is weakest.  It sounds silly, but the best way I have found to do this is think of myself like a toddler: am I hungry or tired?  If so, I’m more likely to be cranky, which means I’m more likely to say or do something with little regard for others’ feelings.  In these situations, I can choose what to do: declare my grumpiness to others upfront, avoid others, or delay taking action or saying anything until I am feeling more like myself and can think more clearly.
  3. Look at others’ faces more, as well as their body language.  Rather than rely on quick glances at others in a meeting to gauge reactions, I try to watch a little more closely how they are reacting to what is being said and how they are expressing themselves.  It helps me to feel more connected.  I can better see the impact of my own words on others, which keeps me feeling human rather than made of tin and in need of a heart:

In a future post, I’ll share what I’m doing to further improve my emotional intelligence.

Allison Pollard

Allison Pollard is a coach, consultant, and trainer who brings the power of relationship systems intelligence to go beyond tasks, roles, and frameworks to create energy for change. She engages with people and teams in a down-to-earth way to build trust and listen for signals to help them learn more and improve. Allison focuses on creating alignment and connection for people to solve business problems together. Her experience includes working with teams and leaders in energy, retail, financial, real estate, and transportation industries to help improve their project/product delivery and culture. Allison currently volunteers as program director for Women in Agile’s mentorship program. Her agile community focus is championing new voices and amplifying women as mentors and sponsors for the next generation of leaders. Allison earned her bachelor’s degrees in computer science, mathematics, and English from Southern Methodist University in Dallas, TX. She is a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach (CPCC), a foodie, and proud glasses wearer. Allison is a prolific speaker at professional groups and international conferences, including Scrum Gatherings and the Agile Alliance Agile20xx conferences. Allison is co-owner of Helping Improve LLC.

http://www.allisonpollard.com
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